


Sex Tape

by big_twinkie



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: BBC Sherlock - Freeform, Crack, Humor, Kink Meme, M/M, Sexual Content, Smut, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-04-24
Updated: 2012-04-23
Packaged: 2017-11-04 05:35:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/390332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/big_twinkie/pseuds/big_twinkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(*prompt from sherlockbbc fic kink meme*) Whatever small fame Sherlock and John enjoyed from John's blog is instantly tripled when their sex tape gets leaked.  Here’s the sex tape.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When John had bought a camcorder for Sherlock’s birthday, he had expected to use it for cases.  Instead, Sherlock had spent the past few days following _him_ around, recording ridiculous things like John brushing his teeth. In hindsight, John knew he shouldn’t have bought the thing at all. It was ridiculously expensive and Sherlock didn’t need to record criminals in HD.   

 

That was _hindsight_ , which is a word that means you’re an idiot and holy fuck why did you do that, you stupid bastard? Foresight was nearly fifteen minutes ago and it didn’t foresee this at all, but of course, no one would ever see it, _oh no_ , baby. Trust me.

 

\--15 minutes ago--

 

“John.” 

 

John looked up from the Sports page and frowned.  They had been having a nice breakfast—John with his tea and a copy of the Times, Sherlock working on his computer—and then Sherlock’s face had suddenly gone white.

 

“We have a problem,” his tone hinted at grave misfortune. Sherlock couldn’t meet his eyes.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Remember that…home video we made…it’s online. ”

 

All the Oxygen was suddenly sucked out of the room. Sherlock looked up then and bit his lip. John set his cup down carefully, cleared his throat, and stared at him. A beat passed, and then…

 

“I’m sorry, I think I just hallucinated. _What?_ ”  

 

“It’s on the internet—one of those pornography sites.”

 

\--Now--

 

John pressed his forehead to the floor, his head in both hands.  Somehow he hadn’t died of humiliation just yet. Hopefully, mercifully, it would happen soon. 

 

“Holy fuck! _Holy fuck_!”

 

“John, you need to calm down.”

 

“Calm down? _Calm down_!”  John sat up and delivered such a withering look that even Sherlock Holmes pulled back.  Sherlock’s hands hovered over John’s shoulders but didn’t make contact.

 

“Don’t tell me to calm down!  People will know we fuck! And not only will they know we fuck, they can watch us fuck! Do you have any idea what that’s going to do to our reputations? How _the fuck_ does anyone--”

 

John’s eyes narrowed.   

 

“John, I swear I haven’t mentioned this to anyone,” Sherlock said gently, with a hint of hurt in his voice. “Why would I do that?”

 

“Then how…?”

 

“ _Anonymous._ He sent me a link.  Clearly he’s involved with this; in which case, there’s only one thing to do.”

 

Sherlock sat down on the floor and wrapped an arm around John’s shoulders.  John sighed.

 

“And do what, exactly? Sue?”

 

“I will find Moriarty...”

 

“ _Okay_.”

 

“…and I will murder him.”


	2. 12:00 6 Jan

\--12:00 6 Jan--

 

The camera is pointed at John’s shoes. There is the sound of plastic buttons being pushed.  The camera shakes slightly as he does this.  His sleeve brushes against the microphone and distorts the sound.  

 

“Is it on?”

 

The camera pans up to Sherlock.  Sherlock is perched atop his chair and smirking, fingers steepled as he watches John.

 

“Okay, I think it’s on.  What do you think? Could come in handy, yeah?”

 

“I suppose so,” Sherlock says smoothly. “But what for, exactly?”

 

“Catching criminals red-handed, I should think. Look, if you don’t like it--”

 

“No-no,” Sherlock holds a hand up to silence him. “On the contrary, I like it very much.  I _am_ a bit surprised that you should spend this much.  I thought we needed to ‘tighten our belts’, you said as much last week.”

 

“We’ll take it back.”

 

Sherlock jumps off the chair and he’s across the room in a hurry.  The camera swings away towards the floor.  Sherlock’s feet come into the frame in front of John’s shoes.  

 

“I _like_ my present, so no, you can’t take it back. I can think of several things I want to record right now.”

 

There’s a soft sound. It could be a kiss and a murmur that sounds like Sherlock. John laughs.

 

“Don’t be daft.”

 

The camera comes to rest at Sherlock’s stomach and then the picture goes black.


End file.
